Gunslinger Gnosis: 3. Ragazzo (Boy)

I Like My Life Here Very Much

The episode begins in the hospital of Rico’s past. She lies sickly, struggling to breathe, the monitor recording a heartbeat rapid and shallow. In the background her parents argue; they are exhausted by her infirmity, grown bitter with each other. Hidden behind the curtains what they looked like does not matter, and is long forgotten. But the words they uttered as she gasped out her life have never left her. She is a burden. She is unwanted.

A drop falls in the IV container, jerking Rico from sleep. She is in her bed at the Social Welfare Agency, tear-rimmed eyes wide and unseeing. Coming to, the peaceful silence of the room is a comfort from such a memory. Gazing at her hand with an absent expression, she recollects:

Since I was born, I had never left my hospital bed. But on my birthday two years ago, I got this body and was able to move freely for the first time.

Unlike Henrietta, Rico's memories of her terrible past remain, but with them they bring appreciation. She was rescued from something worse to come here. Now to watch her hand flex and move, obeying her commands as she reminisces, is a miracle beyond description. The tears have disappeared without notice, dispelled by her wakened state.

On the bunk above, Henrietta is brushing her hair in a hand mirror. It is what a normal little girl should do. Alerted to her friend's awakening by the sounds below, she leans over to find Rico closing her eyes and hugging her knees in silence. Thinking nothing of it, she genially invites Rico to do laundry with her as she promptly messes the hair she was so meticulously caring for. Despite performing the behavior flawlessly, she didn't seem to know the purpose behind it.

Outside the day is resplendent, with vibrant light shining through the columns of the agency compound. Sitting, waiting for their wash, Henrietta reads Vogue magazine to further her beauty quest while Rico appears dazed in the calm morning. Staring absentmindedly at the ceiling, she narrates:

I like my life at the agency very much. Everyone is nice, as long as I do what I'm told. Also, for example... The quiet morning air, the smell of the detergent, the sky and the clouds and the sun... and my own body... I had none of these things in my hospital bed.

These last few items are emphasized as Rico holds her fresh laundry up to the sky, seeing the sun and clouds pass behind them. Just getting to live in the world is a wonder beyond comprehension, her long wait making it all the sweeter. This is Rico's peace, to see the marvelous in the mundane.

What They Want

As the laundry dries in the morning sun, the four girls are found chatting together nearby. This is the first scene where they are all present together, and as their handlers are nowhere in sight they are relaxed from the expectations of performance, free to be themselves.

Yet even when they are alone, their trainers follow them in their clothes. Henrietta remains in her soft lavender pajamas; very delicate, female, and appropriate for a girl of her age. Her hands are also resting on her lap in a ladylike pose. Triela's outfit is a crisp white shirt and black pants, professional to the point of military, offset by her roguish grin and long ponytails. Claes wears a dun, but tasteful, dress. Like her expression, it is subdued. Rico lounges in a nondescript shirt, jacket, and khakis. Very bland but functional.

Triela asks Henrietta what their schedule is for the day:

Henrietta: "I heard we're training at the outdoor shooting range."
Triela: "I see." (Unsurprised)
Henrietta: "Triela, you seem really happy."
(Triela adopts a smug expression.)
Triela: "It's gotta be better than Hilshire-"sensei's" lectures."
(Triela launches into a vigorous pantomime of her trainer)
Triela: "'Triela, page 36. Begin from Shylock's line.'" (Comically stern)

Throughout the exchange Triela towers over the other girls, her confidence evident in every motion. She is the kind eldest "sister," the one that the rest look up to, quite literally in this case.

But there is more to her here, for Triela is being just a bit of a scamp. Knowing perfectly well what the plan was, she asked anyway, anticipating the innocent girl would bite. When Henrietta unwittingly fell for her scheme, her expression filled with self-satisfaction before launching into a prepared mockery she knew would humor them all.

How each of the girls react is further informative. Henrietta giggles openly and innocently; she was Triela's main target, and it was a success. Sitting with her arms crossed, Claes smiles in demure amusement; she is reserved in her reaction, but was still affected. Rico misses the joke entirely:

Rico: "There's so much I don't know... so I like book study, too."
Triela: "Yeah, yeah. You like everything, don't you?" (Kindly)
Rico: "Yep!" (Accompanied by a happy nod)

Rico is just a bit spacey and her love of these things is earnest, taking Triela's complaint at face value rather than the entertainment it was meant to be. Triela's response is a gentle jab back; she is slightly piqued that her performance was not appreciated, but knows all too well this is how Rico is. In confirmation, Rico nods vigorously back, surprisingly happy to be asked a simple question, or even be included at all.

The conversation turns back to Henrietta, with Triela seating herself while asking what the former's favorite subject is. Next to her, Claes can also be seen resting her head relaxedly but intently. Before Henrietta can answer the question, Claes interjects with a faintly-amused expression on her face:

Claes: "How about music?"
(Rico's head turns in Henrietta's direction as the latter utters a surprised "huh?")
Claes: "You practice the violin, don't you?" (Studiously pleasant)
Henrietta: "Yes..."

Henrietta's response is simple in words but complex in expression. She immediately blushes with emotion; there is only one person who, upon recollection, causes such a reaction. Her brief smile, however, gives way to a downcast look as she further contemplates the topic, at last metamorphosing into an embarrassed grin. This is a convoluted issue for her, and curiously Claes seems to know it.

Rico in the meantime has been completely struck and fails notice Henrietta's emotional procession. She stares intently, mouth ever so slightly open. Combined with her sudden reorientation at the mention of music, it is evident something here is deeply important. The view moves toward her, seeking an answer inside.

Within Rico's memories she is walking down a light-infused hall when she hears the faint sound of a violin playing Tema II floating in the air. The music seems to be coming from a particular door, which she stops to open cautiously, endeavoring to not be noticed. It is habit to avoid attracting attention to herself. Pausing at the threshold she looks to see what is inside.

There is Henrietta playing her violin while Jose watches appreciatively. The view pans over Jose's gratified face, but comes to rest on Henrietta's sublime expression. That sound... that feeling pouring out of her... it is tangible in the sepia atmosphere. Rico's face remains blank, but the length of the gaze betrays the power of her feelings. She wants this deeply. To be able to express herself that way, to create something beautiful and have somebody sit and listen to her as she does so... But she is outside and cannot come in. It is not for her.

Back in the present, Rico's face has become vacant, mirroring the carefully absent gaze of the memory. In this moment when she is lost in the most potent of desires it does not register outwardly, a sudden contrast to the simple openness of her expression before. The other girls have not even noticed; Rico is slightly invisible even to the other cyborgs. The conversation continues, rousing her from her reverie:

Claes: "You didn't take it up because you wanted to?"
Henrietta: "No, Jose suggested it. He was really mad at me, so I..." (Trailing off)
Triela: "So he's forcing you to play even though you don't want to?"
Henrietta: "No, not exactly..."

It is so complicated for this little girl. Desiring to serve and knowing she was the source of his unhappiness, Henrietta would happily fix anything she was doing wrong. When he decided to add another normalizing influence to her repertoire, an attempt on his part to further camouflage for her cyborg nature, she accepted it uncomprehendingly but gladly. How could it be any other way? Jose's wishes are her own.

But it isn't quite right. Henrietta doesn't dislike the violin; it is a lovely instrument. She is also delighted that Jose watches her play with such appreciation. Yet the memory of a perceived failure is indelibly linked to it, and it leaves her uneasy, full of uncertain, but intense, emotion. What did she do wrong to require this corrective effort?

Triela: "Jose really adores you." (Wistful)
(Henrietta's blush intensifies)
Henrietta: "Do you think?" (Hopeful yet uncertain)

During this exchange, the Tema II of Rico's memory has not ceased in the background. As Triela spoke she was no longer watching Henrietta, her unfocused gaze having been drawn off into the distance. Henrietta is not alone in her yearning, and even confident big sister has this weakness for being cherished.

The scene ends with the wind coming up, gusting through them all in silent longing, the poignant melody fading into the blue sky above.

What They Have

The peace of the last scene is shattered by the sound of automatic rifle fire beginning the next. Rico is practicing at the training ground, her aim poor; she strikes the victim as well as the target with her rounds. Jean's response is a damning "Horrible." He then tersely informs her on how to improve and she tries again without complaint.

Now they are with their trainers, their personalities focused on these all-important presences. Knowing Jean was Rico's handler already bode ill given his attitudes expressed in private. He sees no reason to cater to this child's feelings with encouragement. She is a "hunting dog," a "tool." But this man is not recklessly hateful, and fulfills his role as instructor; even if he doesn't care about her, he still needs his weapon sharp. This is his relationship with Rico.

Zooming out, the view shifts to Triela. Hilshire instructs her to hold the gun higher and to line the sights up, which she does promptly. Then without his command her eyes narrow in anger and she begins to fire, surprising him with her disobedience. He blinks and covers up his dismay, turning to look at the target. She has not missed a single shot. Seeing this, Hilshire walks away with a grin as Triela continues to fire with an intense look on her face.

The previous scene made clear that Triela does not worship her trainer, and indeed has an edge of disdain. Here she is disrespecting him again in a small way by firing without permission. However, Hilshire can hardly object due to her effectiveness. He offers a self-effacing smile and backs off as she defiantly demonstrates she has no need of his tips. This is his relationship with Triela.

Hilshire walks over to Marco, who teases Hilshire for his "uselessness." Hilshire asks after Angelica and Marco becomes serious and distant, replying that her implants aren't working well so she is resting. Surprisingly, Marco is not Claes' trainer; she is curiously absent, so these relationships remain a mystery for now. The two continue to discuss the upcoming mission:

Marco: "Apparently some important politician requested us to handle some of his 'personal matters'."
Hilshire: "Personal matters, huh? I don't want my girl to be going on any strange missions."
(Hilshire looks over to where Henrietta is practicing storming a building)
Hilshire: "Though telling them to kill bad guys and attack the R.F.'s hideouts is easy enough."

This is Hilshire's answer; rather than try to rationalize himself at the expense of others like Jose, he has been cornered into swallowing the nature of the agency by focusing on the good. Utilizing the girls as they do is reprehensible, he knows that, but it is in the service of fighting terrorists and that is easy to focus on. Now when faced with an odious indication otherwise, his nose wrinkles and he turns back to Marco in irritation:

Hilshire: "I thought these kinds of missions were what the special ops of Section One is for."
Marco: "Yeah, that's the thing. That politician is the one who supports our cybernetics division."
Hilshire: "You should be wary of people who do kind things for free." (Vehemently)

The scene finishes with Henrietta charging into the simulated hideout, slipping on a spent casing in her haste. Surprised, letting out a thoroughly girlish cry of dismay, she is saved from hitting the ground by Jose standing behind her. Realizing he is holding her, she turns and blushes deeply. Jose does not notice and sternly warns her that if this were to happen during a real raid she would die. As Jean approaches with news of the next mission, Jose can be heard to remark in the background:

"Maybe next time we'll install empty cartridge containers."

While it would seem kindly that Jose spared her both the pain of the fall and the embarrassment of her error, Henrietta did not learn a vital lesson. So coddled, her experiences cannot teach her, and he declines to fulfill this crucial duty himself, opting to alter the training so it is not an issue in the future. Such is the priority so that he does not feel any worse than he already does by seeing her upset, even at a potentially lethal cost later. This is his relationship with Henrietta.

A Gap(e) in Understanding

In the planning room of the SWA the team is preparing for their next operation. Jose characteristically stands apart as Jean and the chief review the details. They are to assassinate congressman Mascaro when he stays at a hotel before the next session; all the other rooms on the floor have been anonymously booked to prevent interference. The briefing over, Jose inquires:

Jose: "Jean, is that a request from that politician?"
Jean: "Yes."
Chief: "It seems that Mascaro is in opposition to him regarding the Conrad Act amendment."
Jean: "Luckily, he's a hardline anti-terrorism campaigner, so we will disguise it as a terrorist act. Hilshire and Marco will use our members to make preparations."

With this last comment, Hilshire looks unhappily at the situation... and says nothing. He does not approve of killing a natural ally or of political expediency, but he will not dissent. Lawmen can't afford to pick and chose what orders they follow, and he knows that sometimes he must do what he finds distasteful; acting on a whim against the group would be the real evil. So he restrains his conscience, accepting that sometimes one must make regrettable concessions for the greater good.

As if to immediately undermine this point, the seconds begin to chat in the back while still attempting to maintain a front of attentiveness:

Alfonso: “Say, Ferro. We almost seem like criminals here.” (Joking)

Ferro: “Not seem. We are." (Flat)

Both Alfonso and Nihad look at her in surprise, shocked to hear such a bald-faced admission. Whatever motivates Ferro, it does not bear any similarity to the idealism that Hilshire relies upon, and reveals the actual motivations of the agency in the process. Glancing at her in concern, Nihad continues:

Nihad: “Didn’t your God say, ‘Love thy neighbor’?”
Ferro: “There’s no guarantee they’ll love us back.”
(Nihad stares blankly forward at this response)
Nihad: "You've got no romance at all..." (Sighing)
Alfonso: "Nihad, teach her what real love is."

Echoing Hilshire's pragmatic sentiment from last scene, but with unabashed expedience, Ferro sees favors to others as only a tool for getting what she desires in return. All kindness is utilitarian, and no use in wasting effort if it won't be repaid; anybody who acts otherwise is selling something. But she misunderstood: that isn't the kind of love Nihad was talking about.

The Other Boy

Jean and Rico have come to scout the hotel before the operation; he tersely explains the plan and sends her to investigate the back entrance. She cautiously exits the vehicle, checking that she is not being watched, before approaching the front of the building. Given her natural camouflage it should be no trouble for her to remain innocuous. However, on sighting her the porter on duty raises his eyebrows in surprise.

Walking with her stare fixed forward and her fists balled, Rico is horribly conspicuous. Even her pace is unnaturally stilted, an awkward stance that telegraphs her unease. This is an honest girl, and she is unable to consciously misrepresent herself in the slightest, botching even this simple act of remaining casual. With so many cues, anybody watching could tell something was up.

This behavior also signals something surprising about her attitude toward the mission: she feels guilty. Not only is she thoroughly ingenuous, Rico is aware of the illicit nature of her work and feels reprehensible for it; she knows she shouldn't be here. Such transparency presents a dilemma: how can her face so often be blank on missions if she hates it and is incapable of deception?

Once around the corner and out of sight, she relaxes and begins to examine the building. Taking her time, wandering around to the back entrance, she pointlessly begins to look in the dumpsters, delaying her inevitable return to Jean. As she dawdles, a young bellhop surprises her as he takes out the trash. Caught in the act, she jerks and doesn't even attempt to hide:

Boy: "Can I help you?
(Rico lets out a breathless, "uh..." The boy waits for a moment and then continues)
Boy: "This area is for employees only."
Rico: "Um... I'm..." (Blushing furiously)
(The boy looks at her confused, but then spies her case. His expression immediately lifts)
Boy: "Oh, were you looking for a place to play your instrument?"
(Rico's eyes widen in surprise and confusion)
Boy: "That's a musical instrument, right?"
(Rico looks guiltily at the case)
Rico: "Y-yeah..."
Boy: "You can play here if you like! Play me a song!"
Rico: "I can't."
Boy: "Why not?"
Rico: "Uh... Because I'm not good at it..."
Boy: "Oh, you're still an apprentice? Just like me!"

Rico is utterly miserable. Not only is she put on the spot again with a stranger, she is forced to try and do that which is most unnatural to her: deceive another person. To her credit she cannot do it, and is only saved by the young porter's combination of total credulity and enthusiastic misunderstanding. None of the lies she tells are really hers; she just stammeringly assents to the excuses he offers up. The only thing she answers firmly is that she cannot play an instrument to express herself, a painfully true fact. By the end she is genuinely upset for having misled him.

Failing to notice her unease like only an adolescent male can, he takes a seat with her on the stairs and introduces himself:

Emilio: "My name is Emilio. What's yours?"
Rico: "Rico..." (Timid)
Emilio: "Eh... that's strange. Isn't that a boy's name?"
(Catching himself)
Emilio: "But that's okay. Rico suits you really well!"

So Jean not only dresses Rico like a boy, but named her as such as well. It is a vulgar, dehumanizing move that signals at every mention she is not the girl she appears to be; there is more than a little malice behind such an act. Emilio's concurrence is an unintentionally bitter remark.

However, Rico isn't bothered at his misstep, so long used to this insult, and as he bumbles on she stops listening as well, staring quizzically:

This boy talks a lot. Are all boys like this? I don't know what to say.

She is so innocent as well. Despite her confusion the violent blush has steadily faded, although she still unconsciously positions herself away. Still not noticing anything amiss, Emilio continues to regale his willing listener about his life. He explains his father is an alcoholic and so he must work here to support himself, but it is with a certain cheer. His life isn't perfect, but he's not grumbling about his station in the world. Politely, he turns the conversation back to Rico:

Emilio: "What does your dad do for a living?"
Rico: "He's probably with the city's waterworks bureau..."
Emilio: "Probably? You don't live together?"
Rico: "We've been separated for years, so I haven't seen him."
Emilio: "So you live in a school dormitory or something?"
Rico: "Yeah, something like that..." (Thanks again, Emilio)
Emilio: "Isn't it lonely without your mom or dad?"
Rico: "No, I'm fine. I'm really fine."

Under the glow of Emilio's genuine interest, Rico has found a small voice. Somebody is talking to her even when they don't have to...

However, with the last question her posture changes. Even with the emphasis that she is really okay, she reflexively leans forward, hugging herself with a faint smile haunting her lips. It is the universal body language of the fetal position. Her deepest instinct is broadcasting an entirely different message, her face and emotions having once again become incongruent. It is her first real lie, but it isn't Emilio that she is telling it to.

Back at the car, Jean is staring forward angrily. Alfonso remarks she is taking a while, to which Jean viciously responds:

"Yeah... She can't do anything by herself."

This is more than an agreement on her lateness. Even as he uses her, Jean detests his tool. It is an active malevolence, one that cannot tolerate such ineptitude in anything that belongs to him; it is infuriating that he must rely on her while being unable to control her fully.

With this unpleasant reminder of why all is not right, the scene returns to the alleyway. Emilio is still prattling on, but Rico's face is beginning to droop, her unhappy blush returning. She knows she is late and what awaits her on return. But... she wants to be here, enough to incur Jean's wrath. Even if it is just a young boy chattering to anybody who will listen, she soaks such attention in with the appreciation of one who is dying of thirst.

Ultimately Rico cannot delay any longer, and is forced to interrupt Emilio. Blushing furiously, looking for an excuse, she tells him he needs to get back to work. Deflated, he agrees and she immediately begins to flee in a nearly-panicked walk. But before she can escape he yells after her with open, welcoming hands and a smile:

"Wait, Rico! I'll always be around here, so play for me next time!"

On hearing this last pronouncement Rico's eyes widen and she blushes deeply. This is not the violent sketchy reddening of before but a warm, full reaction to his interest. There's somebody out there who liked sitting and talking with her, who wants to see her again and hear her express herself fully. She never dared dream such a thing could be hers.

"Alright. Well, bye." (Shy)

She doesn't know how to react to such treatment. It hurts to feel such affection being directed at her, stretching her heart in ways it is unused to being filled. Inundated with emotions she doesn't know how to process, she bids a hasty retreat.

After she is gone, Emilio's boss emerges and the boy begins gushing to his employer. He is totally smitten with this amazingly cute blonde French girl with a violin he has just met. His boss tries to bring him back down to earth, letting him know such a nice prospect is above his station, but he isn't deterred. Rico is truly a beautiful girl worth falling for.

Emilio's glow is once again interrupted by the image of Jean at the car, now standing outside with impatience. Rico comes running up, out of breath for more than one reason. After berating her tardiness, he asks if she met anybody, anticipating the reason why she is late. She knows what his response will be and tries to evade:

"No."

But Jean is not as easy to fool as Emilio, being long acquainted with deception. His eyes narrow in displeasure that she would try to mislead her master, and in retribution he places his hand on her head. It is not a kindly pat but a firm application of authority, causing her to wince in distress at his touch. Rico may lie to him, but he has the power to make her do what he wishes:

"If anyone sees you while you're working, kill them."

A dead stare steals over her face and she replies a lifeless, “Yes, sir.”

Budding Dreams

Back in their shared room, Henrietta is repairing her shirt from Fratello's raid while Rico cleans a disassembled gun. A disturbing juxtaposition of not only their roles, feminine vs. tool, but that nothing is unusual about one girl sewing while another performs maintenance on a weapon in this place. Rico breaks the silence while still not raising her eyes:

Rico: "Say, Henrietta. (Hmm?) Is learning to play an instrument hard?"
Henrietta: "Why do you ask?" (Distracted while stitching)
Rico: "When I went to check out the area today..." (Looking up now)
(Rico almost imperceptibly pauses)
Henrietta: "Yeah?" (Encouraging her shy friend)
Rico: "I met this boy named Emilio."

Upon hearing this last statement Henrietta stops and puts down her work, looking at her roommate in surprise. Up to this point she was barely entertaining the conversation, responding with polite interjections to keep up her end. But this revelation is unexpected news; Emilio stirred something in Rico, enough to get her to act on her own. Henrietta has never seen this before, and she smiles upon realizing what is happening, unnaturally quick to recognize this budding romantic impulse.

Rico: "He thought there was a violin in my case and said he would like to hear me play it some day."

Taking her queries seriously now, Henrietta explains that learning an instrument rapidly would be challenging and that it would also be difficult to see Emilio again. Rico absentmindedly agrees, but her voice exhibits no discouragement. She wants this. She wants it enough that such trifling obstacles are hardly worth considering. Seeing her perseverence, and enthusiastic herself, Henrietta voices what Rico cannot:

Henrietta: "But still, maybe he likes you!"
(Rico's face remains neutral, focused on polishing the gun)
Rico: "I don't know much about that sort of thing, but I'd be so happy if someone ever did like me."

As she says this last part her face lifts even as her head lowers, a genuine smile betraying how much this means to her. She has hope now, and she clutches it close to her heart. Maybe she can play the violin for Emilio, and he will sit and listen and stare at her with the same appreciation she saw on Jose's face for Henrietta. Maybe she won't have to be on the outside any more...

Henrietta, seeing such unusual life in her friend, offers the violin gladly. With the light streaming in from a nearby window, she demonstrates a simple etude while Rico looks on attentively. Handing the instrument over, Rico tries to replicate the sound, bowing inexpertly. The notes are trembling and uncertain; Rico is unable to express herself in the most basic way. Realizing how awkward the other girl is, Henrietta moves behind her to help, holding her face close. Rico begins to play with assistance.

Henrietta: "Isn't that a lovely sound?"

These notes are coming from Rico, and they are beautiful. Maybe she isn't an unwanted burden or an ugly useless tool. Hearing her own music come out timidly, the wind blows through the drapes in sympathetic resonance. It is wonderful.

With barely a turn of the head, Rico looks at Henrietta in silent gratitude for this gift, earning a joyful smile in return. As she continues the simple tune flourishes and merges into Tema II in the background, the same song Henrietta played for Jose. Rico can dream now.

The Gentle Assassin

This peace does not last long, and even as the final notes drift in the air the scene moves to the hotel once again. The mission has begun.

In the lobby, Giorgio and Hilshire monitor the targets and report to Jean and the remainder of the team waiting above. Having tapped the room, they know to time their attack when the congressman is in the shower, and so separated from his secreatary.

Disguised as a maid, Rico is deployed while Henrietta and Triela wait on standby. Jean mentions it is to avoid attracting attention, but this would seem to be a token concession to the other handlers. The floor is empty. He has no qualms about this mission, and by using his puppet first he can avoid unnecessary tension. He will let them have their little objections... while still bringing their girls just in case.

Rico performs her role perfectly, first assassinating the aide at the door and then the congressman and he leaves the bathroom after his shower. Throughout she expresses no emotion or hesitation; her professional use of double tap to ensure that the politician is dead proceeds without a ripple on the surface. All earlier traces of the gentle girl have vanished, subsumed by this unfeeling machine.

Her mission completed, Rico dispassionately reports in her success and is ordered by Jean to return at once. The exchange over, she is dismayed to hear sounds coming from the entryway. It is the first victim stirring. Despite his grievous head wound he is still alive and even now tries to crawl across the floor, unable to move properly. Seeing this there is a glimmer of something else in her expression. Horror.

Out in the stairwell, Jose and Henrietta report an employee arriving unexpectedly from the elevator. Frantically, Jean warns Rico but she does not respond, her face having regained its blank stare as she watches the man's struggling form. She points the weapon at him, pausing for an unusually long moment, before executing the assistant without flinching. The deed done her face again loses its composure and she rushes from the room in a panicked dash.

Seeing these final alternations of expression, the pieces at last come together: her absent visage is not due to a lack of feeling but an excess. Having never lost her gentleness or honesty she is nauseated at the destruction and deceit that accompany Jean's commands. But life has not given her the choice, and so she shuts out the world, making it all go away, making herself go away, because it is too painful to endure. It is the only defense she has.

Now tragedy has struck. Faced with the assistant's tortured form she muted everything. For that moment, she was not there; it was only an animated husk, doing what it was supposed to, while she hid in terror. Into this hole fell Jean's attempted warning, her mind unable to register anything. But this front just barely holds; as soon as the job is complete it shatters and she flees, not wanting to be near the horror she has just enacted against her will.

No Answers

Into this situation stumbles the employee: Emilio.

"Rico? What are you doing here?"

It is a sad parallel of their meeting before. Rico is once again where she is not to be, and he must inquire after her. Blushing unhappily in the same confused way, now desperately magnified, she is unable to answer.

...why is this happening? In the background Silenzio begins. The notes rise lonesomely, each stanza ending in an upward twist, like queries themselves.

Emilio continues to speak, but Rico is no longer listening. She is trying to regain her defenses, retreat from what is coming. Her stare is one who cannot believe what she is seeing.

...please, this can't be happening. Inside she begins to wonder, her "voice" quavering:

What do I say at a time like this, again?

She stares desperately forward, searching for inspiration. Now even oblivious Emilio begins to realize that something is seriously wrong with Rico.

What was it… What was it... (Haltingly, becoming breathless and stuttering)

...

Her lower face, no eyes in view; she is unable to look at this.

Oh, that’s right… (Excessively calm)

…

The gun swings upward slowly, automatically, now that she can reply to him.

Returning to her face there is no blankness. In its place is something worse: a wan smile. The defenses that could hold up to torment and cruelty and murder could not hold up to this. This hurts too much. Stripped of everything, all that is left is to lie with her face, to convince herself that everything is okay, for she is the only person she can lie to with ease. She's really, really fine...

...but the smile doesn't reach her eyes. There is a part of her that cannot be convinced by self-deception and will not accept what she is about to do.

But Rico is lost, her spirit broken. She did not delay due to struggle, but a desire to find the words. Something to mitigate, to explain, to cause all of this to make sense. For Emilio... and for her. But there is nothing to say; there is no reason for what is about to happen. Silenzio's questions are all without answer:

Rico: "I am sorry..."

There are things that nobody should see, and we see no more.

Still Alive

Rico drifts into a hazy wakefulness the next morning, tears congealed in her eyes. She wakes up every morning crying, with sleep the only time she can admit to herself. The beginning of the episode returns and she examines her hand and all that it has done. She was not rescued. As she hugged herself in bed, as she stared disconsolate in the beautiful morning air, it was there. She was never weeping for her past but the terrible present.

He is gone now.

Every time I wake up in the morning, there's one thing that really worries me: it's whether my body actually exists today or not.
(Rico sits up, flexing her hand to confirm it's still there)
I'm glad.
(A small sob)
It works. My free body. It's a wonderful thing.

Sorrowful praise. All that is left is to hold onto the gift that is her body, for there is nothing else.

An abandoned girl, sitting in the desolate quiet of the morning with nothing left to shield her. Closing her eyes and hands, holding herself in piteous withdrawal, she ventures one last, desperate lie:

Social Welfare Agency, I like my life here very much.

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