Hourou Musuko - Saori Chiba: Wandering the Second Mile notes

These are the notes associated with the essay, Saori Chiba: Wandering the Second Mile.  As always, any attempt to compress an entire series' worth of development into a few pages will leave things out.  In particular, I wanted to tell part of Takatsuki's story in a way that didn't find a home in that flow, the result being that this in part serves as my apology for that lacuna:

[1] Pronouns

In a series like Hourou Musuko, pronouns are a thorny topic.  Last time I made a post on the series I managed to do so without utilizing a single one; something of an accomplishment if I do say so myself.  However, that was not possible here, and after some consideration I decided to use “he” for Nitori and “she” for Takatsuki.  This is how their friends refer to them, how they refer to themselves, and most relevant to this essay how Saori views them both.  If there is disagreement on this choice I hope it is not so vehement that it prevents appreciating the rest of the message.

[2] Takatsuki’s Character

In talking to people about Hourou Musuko, one common sentiment I have encountered is disappointment in Takatsuki’s character.  Unlike Nitori she does not represent a clear-eyed desire to transition, and that though she experiments her development seems to go nowhere (this sense being heightened by the manga’s conclusion).

I think this criticism is slightly misplaced, however, at least in the anime.  It derives from bad advertising and our own expectations: that Nitori and Takatsuki will necessarily represent two mirror cases of trans identity exploration.  That that is the only possible purpose of their characters.  But I think that this mismatch should also be cause for reflection, that perhaps we did not appreciate the intent of the show.  Before being a trans person, Takatsuki is a kind person.  That is the defining feature of her character.  Sasa may be sweet, Chizuru disarmingly goofy, and Mako a good listener, but it is Takatsuki whose support shines when people are at their lowest.  

In this way, the series uses Takatsuki to reinforce what I believe to be its core theme.  Rather than try to validate the transgender experience by turning it into a special case, it wants to enfold that experience into the total corpus of human trials and so make it truly accepted.  Due to their personality and circumstances people will be different, and though often they will be incomprehensible - and problematic - to us we nonetheless ought to extend a hand.  Takatsuki is an exemplar of such behavior, and there is little to be disappointed with in a person such as her.

[3] Who Saori Hates

“That’s why I hate you.  Sorry.”

This line has a masterful execution that I just could find no way to express in my paragraphs (trust me, I tried).  Although I show it as continuous in my essay, this last response is not shown to us with the rest of the scene.  Instead after, “Although I hate to admit it” the series jumps forward to Takatsuki angry and hurt hours later.  Then, to answer why Takatsuki is so upset, it returns to the past and Saori delivers her lines above.  The implication Takatsuki drew, and that we are elegantly led to as well, is that Saori turned to Takatsuki and said, “That’s why I hate you.”  We’re even given the vague impression that is Takatsuki’s head in the foreground.  

But that’s not what happened.

An unnaturally large portion of scenes between Saori and Takatsuki take place in front of mirrors, with Takatsuki facing Saori… and Saori facing her reflection.  Everything Takatsuki does causes Saori to think about herself and her shortcomings.  So at the conclusion of yet another such session, Saori’s heart full of everything she detests about herself, she looks at the mirror and addresses it in punishment: “You are a petty, vindictive, selfish little person and that is why I hate you.”

Then, unable to tolerate gazing at herself any longer, Saori has to leave the room.  As she passes Takatsuki, face hidden, she apologizes.  To Takatsuki, who understood the first line as applying to her, such a followup apology seems like an insincere backhand.  Hours later she is still upset by it.  But again, that wasn’t Saori’s intent.  It was an expression of real regret: “You’re a good person.  I’m not.  I’m sorry you have to be a casualty of that too.”

[4] “Saori-isms”

Despite what I wrote, I find her little “Saori-isms” both endearing and hilarious; it is a real lack in my main essay that I couldn’t find a way to better discuss this aspect of her character.  They have a flavor that is all her own, a morbid combination of unnatural maturity and immature self-pity often topped with a generous helping of self-conscious theatricality.  Even if she isn’t intending to be funny, I think it is well-observed that good comedy takes real intelligence, and that her proclivity for serious insights is matched by an ability for absurd-yet-appropriate remarks. 

[5] Friendship, such as it is

One of my favorite sequences that falls outside the essay is that of Nitori, Anna, Saori, and Takatsuki at the karaoke parlor.  Of particular relevance here is the bathroom scene:

Saori: “Why are we here?”
Takatsuki: “You mean the bathroom?”
Saori: “Obviously not!” (Dammit how straightforward can a person be?!?)
Takatsuki: “W-Well… because they invited us.  Anna seems to be a nice person.”
Saori: “So?  You’ll accept an invitation from anyone, so long as they’re nice?” (Looking away)
Takatsuki: “You came along too.” (Irritated)
(Saori stares glumly into her reflection)

There are a few threads here.  First is that while Takatsuki is certainly a kind person, she is also just a bit… literal (another case of the series using humor to characterize and humanize in one stroke).  She isn’t really used to thinking about complicated things like her feelings and motivations; she just does.  It is a problem that will become more relevant later.  In the meantime...

Saori wanted to come.  She wanted to spend time with Nitori and meet this Anna for herself, but now that she’s here she is feeling awkward and conflicted, and is trying to blame Takatsuki for her choice.  The last thing she wants to hear is that Anna is a nice person… something she well knows she herself is not.

Takatsuki, though, is learning to handle this little porcupine, or at least lost enough patience (I love her face as she wonders why she even bothers with this girl), and she states what Saori cannot deny: Saori could have refused but didn’t.  Let her chew on that herself.  That’s just how you have to deal with Saori’s little outbursts - don’t let her stay on the offensive and force her to think about who is really responsible for her unhappiness (though she still has to get in the last jab as she leaves).

[6] Friendship, proper

This quote comes from one of my favorite conversations at the end of episode 10.  Since making up, Saori has been increasingly letting Takatsuki know her concern: Takatsuki is making choices that are mis-motivated, not owning up to some of her actual feminine characteristics (notice that Takatsuki is not even looking in the mirror... and for once, neither is Saori).  In truth, she’s a bit scared about the future.  Now, after an altercation with Momoko, who was criticizing Nitori for coming to school dressed as a girl, Takatsuki has uncharacteristically lost her cool and stalked off.  Saori, incredibly, chases after her to help:

Saori: “Is what I said [earlier today] bothering you?  That you’re cute.”
Takatsuki: “No, it isn’t.”
Saori: “It is bothering you, and that’s why you got angry.  What [Momoko] Shirai said shouldn’t have upset you.”
Takatsuki: “It’s nothing.  It’s stupid only Nitori is being treated badly.”
Saori: “But isn’t the reality of it if Nitori hadn’t done what he did, we wouldn’t be worrying like this?”
(Takatsuki looks down)
Takatsuki: “I want you to be honest with me.  Could you see me as a man when I wore the uniform, as a real one?”
Saori: “Honestly?  No.  You looked like a tomboy.  But there are people like that, even men.  Do you wear men’s clothes to be mistaken for a man, Takatsuki?  If that’s the case, then what’s the point of it?”
Takatsuki: “Why can’t you ever speak nicely!?”
Saori: “Because you told me to be honest.  I used to be even blunter.  It would have been better if you’d worn what you want to wear.  Now it just seems like you hate being a woman.”

Why I appreciate this exchange is that real friendship can’t grow from one person always helping another; it has to be mutual, and here Takatsuki is the one who needs assistance.  Saori knows perfectly well what it looks like when somebody is denying their feelings and pretending things don’t bother therm.  She cuts straight through Takatsuki’s rationalizations, first pointing out that she is angry, and second not letting her, in her own way, run to Nitori as an excuse.  Takatsuki is conflicted about herself, not Nitori, and trying to pin her anger on righteousness is another bad habit Saori can spot a mile away.

Then at the end she gives the truest piece of advice she herself is still learning: figure out what you are and be that.  If you’re a woman then be that; if you’re a man then be that; if you’re something else, be that.  Just don’t hate what you are and try to be mistaken for something you are not by lacking self-honesty.  That will just make you look pathetic.  Takatsuki isn’t sure what she is yet, and that is the hard road ahead of her, but she shouldn’t do a disservice to herself by empty imitation.

Of course, all this is delivered without any softening kindness, but in a way that’s what Takatsuki needs too.  She’s a straightforward person whose natural goodness has always steered her right; now these complicated problems within her are baffling and she has no experience untangling such things.  Luckily, she has a friend who is used to being a conundrum to herself.  And though she tries to get mad at Saori to take take the focus off her own frustration, their roles reversed, Saori calmly absorbs it, thanking Takatsuki for the ability to be better than she once was, and leaving Takatsuki to think on herself.